So I don’t quite know where to begin, I have so many thoughts running through my mind putting them on here may be difficult. I guess I’ll start with how I am feeling. Honestly I feel so isolated and alone, not the “whoa poor me” kind of alone but just the lacking in companionship lonely. Someone to spend time with would be nice, someone that understands when I have things I need to do that I may not have time for them. Maybe I am hoping for too much, I don’t know I am just kind of rambling. These are just thoughts I have been having. I don’t mean it to come off as a convenience thing but more of a priority thing. It would be great to have someone to consistently study with. That would be fun, someone that has the same goals (maybe not doctor but still) and aspirations as I do. Someone that strives for excellence in their life and isn’t afraid to be successful. Maybe not perfection but perhaps perfect for me. I wonder what is wrong with me, I mean it seems that I can’t even get “friends” to call me back. I guess they aren’t much of a friend if they don’t. I could really use a friend right now. I knew this path, this choice would be long and fraught full of trials and tribulations but I didn’t think I would have to do it alone. I think the loneliness is worse than the trials. I mean not having anyone to share life with; well really what kind of life is that? But at the same time, I am not exactly the most intelligent person when it comes to relationships. Perhaps, it is better to be lonely than to drag someone along whose heart isn’t in it. I hope my sojourn through life won’t be lonesome forever. I guess I can handle the loneliness as long as I take it day by day.
I am also struggling with my family right now, they are having quite a bit of financial difficulty although honestly it is their own doing. They overspend and wonder why they never have money. They finally are going to let me help them with a budget and sell the business so they can get out of debt. I just hope they will listen to me. I mean I may be broke but I certainly know how to take care of money. Besides it was always easier for me to manage other peoples money than it was for me to manage my own. I know irony at it’s finest but hey those who can’t do teach right? So I have another ER shift today, it will be my last one for the year. I hope it will be worthy of a blog that is more exciting than this. That wouldn’t take much honestly.
As I research my dream of becoming a doctor I find I am significantly ahead of the game given that even though I am starting later in life I don’t have as much accomplished that is negative so I have less to have to fix. Often time’s people that are attempting to get into Medical School at my age have already screwed up somewhere and it takes some pretty drastic steps to improve and make it. Now the “secret of my success” will be to not make errors in the first place. I feel like I am definitely headed in a positive and meaningful direction not to mention at a GREAT time as well. I am doing my best to learn from other people’s mistakes rather than my own. I think I have made enough of those on my own. No need to add to the pain and torment of continuing to be stupid so to speak. Well I need to go, I have my shift in a few minutes and I don’t want to be late.
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