Today has been quite the eventful day to say the least I have so much to tell I don’t quite know where to start; I guess the beginning works so I guess I’ll start there. It started off as a perfectly normal day except one thing. My chemistry class was cancelled today which was suppose to make my day a little more relaxed, or so I thought. I got to work this morning and a text message from one of my ex’s brought to my attention that she is having tests run because they think she may have cancer. Now just because she is my ex doesn’t mean I wish her any harm so naturally I was a bit concerned. Well in the midst of text messaging her, my supervisor asked me to get on a project that I had already been working on but that it needed to be done today. Today I was only supposed to be there for 2 ½ hours so I thought it would be a fairly laid back day. It was far from being laid back. I was going from the start of my shift to the end of my shift like you wouldn’t believe. I was doing amazing things in a very short amount of time, which although made me proud it also started stressing me out. I started to have an anxiety attack which certainly wasn’t going to help the situation either. I was able to get the anxiety attack under control and keep working. At the end of my shift I was still not finished with what I need to have done by today so I decided to take it with me and finish it at school and email it back to my work. I took the work with me and left, I boarded the bus just like always and I arrived at the institute just like normal and then: she walked in. My heart started to race and as if I wasn’t sweating enough already seeing her didn’t help.
That’s right ladies and gentlemen my ex girlfriend whom I talked so much about. Now unlike our most recent encounters she actually talked to me. Not just “Hi” and “Bye” but actually talked to me, please don’t get your hopes up here people it wasn’t all that earth shattering as it was mostly small talk and you know “How are you doing?” sort of talk. Granted she started the conversation with “So I hear you think I’m the Ice Princess,” which was a comment I had made about her to her sister during the summer break, that was stupid on my part I know but I was mad and I didn’t care at that point. I still don’t care so much as it was wrong to say regardless of how I felt. I was working on my project that I needed to get sent back to my work and at that point I had nothing left to do that I could do at the institute so I walked my ex-girlfriend to the library. It was virtually like old times except there were no good bye kisses and certainly no touching of any sort. This encounter did a few things for me; first of all it really helped me to see that although I do still have feelings for her I know that regardless of this that it just isn’t meant to be. Second, it helped me see that I need someone that can offer me more. Honestly someone who can offer me a lot more. To quote a favorite movie of mine “She has been weighed, she has been measured and she has been found wanting”. It also helped me see that although my heart longs to have a girlfriend that right now I need to focus on getting better. I need to be ready so that when I find someone that is worthy of me and worthy of eternity that I will be able to be the man that she deserves. My ex-girlfriend is not this person. She cannot go the distance and for this I am grateful that we ended it when we did.
After the library I headed down to the Student Union to get on the internet so I could finish my project and get that emailed to my supervisor. I couldn’t do everything so I asked Domina if she could proof read a letter for me, which she most graciously did. I spent the rest of what was supposed to be my break in between work and school finishing up the project. In fact I was still working on it when I had to go to my next class. I finally was able to finish it during my Political Science class. I know, I know, I should have been paying attention but I was under the gun on this one. I couldn’t let my work down, besides the teacher was mostly rambling about useless information anyway. He even said at the beginning of the week that this week really didn’t count and that we should just get use to our class schedules. So I took him up on it and took care of my work.
In my next class English we had a quiz which much to my chagrin I forgot my book and although I had read the excerpt that we were suppose to read I had forgotten most of it. I should have read it again before class but alas it was poor planning on my part that caused me to miss out on some points on my quiz, it was nobody’s fault but my own on this one. After the quiz we had a writing session, in which my teacher puts on the board a beginning of a phrase. Today’s phrase was: During my third hour, which we were supposed to not think but just write. So here is what I wrote:
During my third hour, I will be the master of my universe. I will become the man I have long known myself to be. I will overcome the many maladies that I have thus far been unable to cure. My life will be what my heart feels. I will love more fully, I will grow more significantly. I will no longer be afraid of the thing that I fear most and that is to be alone. I will finish what I have started many years ago: my education. During my third hour, I will be happy not for what I have but for what I have become. I will be happy for who I am not for who I am not. My heart and soul will become one as I strive to be the very best I can be. I will care less about what people think and more about what I think. You see during my third hour I will be in the beginning of my life or rather the beginning of the life I have always dreamed of. I will be my own man through and through. I will be loved by others for I am, not for what I do.
After I finished English class I headed down to Panera where I am currently, well when I arrived and turned on my computer I found much to my amusement that I was approved for financial aid for this semester and this semester alone. I will have to petition again for next semester as I will then be over the 90 unit limit but I will face that when the time comes. Right now I just need to relax and start taking care of my classes. It is going to be difficult enough even with the financial aid, but at least now I know I am getting some sort of financial aid. I just have to find out how much and where it is coming from. I told you this has been an eventful day. I haven’t written one this long in forever. Well until next time, Happy Blogging!
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