Taylor Darcy.com

I had originally thought that will all this extra time I would be able to blog more often and share more insight in my world however Harry Potter got in the way. In the last couple of weeks I have read ALL of the Harry Potter books. At the behest of my friends I started the books last Tuesday and finished them on Sunday. I would have to say that it has been one of the most enjoyable experiences of reading literature I have had. I won’t go into details because that might spoil it for others but it was very delightful indeed. Seeing as how I delved into the wonderful world of Harry Potter I haven’t exactly had time to do much else. None-the-less, the family situation has gotten perpetually worse. I am at a loss for what to do to improve it. You see if I am to make the situation better it necessitates me being untrue to myself. This is a concept that is lost on my family. They don’t understand what it is like to be me and what it takes to survive in my world. I only have to endure the current situation for a little while longer and then I will be able to start my life the way that I want it to be. It will be difficult but I know that I will have my sanity (at least what it left of it).

Currently I am going through one of the most difficult times of my life; you see every part of who I am is being challenged in a way that I never thought possible. You see part of my identity is rooted in my religion and due to some poor decisions and actions in my life I may be involuntarily separated from my church. Some people may not see this as a problem other’s might see this as an opportunity. For me this would be quite destructive as for my entire life I have had only two constants: my religion and my family’s inconsistency. I know that I will survive as this is what I am very good at. No matter what I will survive but the fact of the matter is I don’t necessarily like just surviving. Perhaps this is what I grow most tired of, just surviving. What makes this especially difficult is that my faith is being challenged along with my membership in my church. It isn’t as though that I doubt my church, I know that it is the true church of Jesus Christ. I doubt that Heavenly Father listens and answers prayers (or more to the point my prayers). I have prayed on more than one occasion (that is too say quite frequently and often) in my life for my one hope and that is that I can have a “mighty change of heart” and that “I would no longer have the desire to do to evil but to do good continually”. He has changed many other hearts throughout the times so why not mine? Why is it that despite my desires to be a faithful and humble servant I am met with so much opposition? I want to do good most importantly I mean to do good but unfortunately my hearts desires don’t always translate into action. I am not trying to “blame” Heavenly Father for my actions but I question my ability to hear and understand answers to prayers, because apparently I am just not getting it. I try and pray for simple things something that I think he will answer and well what I thought was the answer turns out to be completely wrong. I am confused to say the least. I fear I am losing faith, or already have lost it. What is the point of faith if it results in nothing more in life that what you would have without it?

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